Monday, October 6, 2008

Social Uncertainty Principle

We're all familiar with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. But, in case you are so very abnormal as to not be familiar with it, here's an overview.

In the realm of the very small, particles behave far differently than we, in our gigantic, obese world, would predict.

The Uncertainty Principle states that for all mass (large and small) you cannot accurately measure position, x, and momentum, p, with better accuracy than Planck's constant divided by 4π.

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle

Where momentum is equal to mass times velocity, p = mv, and Δ (delta) denotes the uncertainty of the quantity.

This means that it is impossible to know the exact position and the exact momentum of any object! The more you know about an object's position, the less you know about it's momentum. The reverse is also true, the more you know about an object's momentum, the less you know about it's position. You can't know where it is and how much it weighs at the same time!

The reason that we, as the gigantic obese people that we are, don't notice the Uncertainty Principle in our daily lives is because the quantity h is so very small:

Because h is so small, in our realm of bigness we don't care about that level of accuracy. It would be the equivalent of knowing our velocity, mass, or position to the 34 decimal place - nobody cares! But with atoms it does matter - in fact, it matters a lot. Thus the importance of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.

So we arrive at the purpose of this blog entry. My physics professor has recommended an addition to the laws of the universe.

The Social Uncertainty Principle

Where P is one's knowledge of physics and S is one's aptitude toward social interaction.

According to this law, as knowledge of social interactions increases knowledge of physics decreases. Conversely, if knowledge of physics increases then knowledge of social skills decreases.

It is for this reason that I must get married young before I learn too much physics.

Otherwise I'll never stand a chance.


JB said...

That's great, Nick!

Kimberly said...

I concur, Nick, it must be time for you to get married! Maybe you can take some hints from Elder Nelson's latest talk . . .

B-Rob said...

...or you could just get rich from some physics related invention that you use your genius to create. And we all know that girls don't care about your social skills as long as you're rich, right?

Frank Hatch said...

Invitation to Join an Upgraded Species:

This is an invitation to functional individuals of a corrupt species - i.e., the human species called, "Man." This invitation was orginally offered by the first New Man or Son of Man, but it has since collected a swamp of clerical additions. However, after two thousand years, the invitation is still open. Indeed, in the moment before your death, the invitation will still be open to you.

Definitions for Functional and Non-Functional Individuals:

Best Regards,

Frank Hatch
Initial Mass Displacements