Here at BYU men aren't allowed to grow facial hair. (Who knows why...)
But I filed the piles of paperwork, met with a ruthless doctor, and paid an exorbitant amount of money (because I wouldn't sleep with anybody... otherwise it would have been free...) to acquire my very own beard card.
Yes, you heard correctly, yours truly has a beard card!
I think I will enjoy this bearding experience immensely.
I'm feeling more apostate already...