Sunday, August 3, 2008

Evil 101

B.A. in Evil Mastermind

Department of Dictatorial Sciences
College of Tyrannical Studies

Brigham Young University

For students entering the degree program during the 2008–2009 curricular year.

Program Requirements: 55.0 – 60.0 total hours.

Complete the Following:
101. Megalomania and You (1:1:0)
An introduction to careers in evil.
105. History of Tyranny (4:4:0)
Survey of world tyrannical empires.
106. Historical Tyrants (4:4:0)
In-depth historical analysis of their motivations, methods, and management styles.
180. Introduction to Torture (2:2:1)
Its history and theory.

205. Classic Historical Blunders (3:3:0)
Asian land wars, hot lava, and democracy.
206. Never Invade Russia in the Winter (3:3:0) (part 1 of 2)
210. Laughing (1:1:1)
Methods of diaphragm, pitch, and tone control.
220. Intermediate Torture (2:2:2)
Hot, cold, and sharp things.
224. Secret Agents (1:1:0)
How to kill first, laugh later.
225. Personal Persona (2:2:0)
Your uniform, facial hair, and office space.

301. Public Relations (3:3:0)
How to make good people think you’re good too.
302R. Advanced Public Relations (2-4:4:2-4)
Practicum in propaganda.
307. Never Invade Russia in the Winter (3:3:0) (part 2 of 2)
350. Natural Resources (2:2:1)
Effective use of sharks, oil, and plutonium.
360. Oppression (2:2:1)
Effective use of basic human needs.
371. Blitzkrieg (3:3:0)
Its history and modern potential.

410. Effective Exploitation of Interpersonal Relationships (3:3:1)
Basic manipulative principles including ransom, hostages, and threats. Lab included.
416. Advanced Torture (2:2:2)
Annoyance, audacity, and fallacious statements.
425. Personnel Management (3:3:0)
Intimidation in the workplace.
426. Advanced Personnel Management (3:3:0)
How to not kill all your useful staff.
480. Superweapons (3:3:0)
Lasers, missiles, and space.

498. Senior Thesis (3.0-6.0)
Small scale ascent to power demonstrating methods learned. Examples include, but are not limited to: student government, workplace cout de ta, school board, small country, etc.

Recommend courses
Geog 120 (3:3:0) Geography and World Affairs
ArtHC 111 (3:3:1) Introduction to Art History
Hum 250 (3:3:0) Introduction to Interdisciplinary Humanities


B-Rob said...

I'm pretty sure that you need another course on being sneaky and staying out of the public eye for the first few years of your reign, just so you can be sure the UN won't be able to do anything to you.

Elfie said...

Dag. Sign me up! I am SO in!

Ha, you're hilarious Nick :)


Janae said...

Seriously...this rocks my socks! It makes me feel like someday I could be an evil tyrant, but only with practice and hard work. And a couple sharp things. Maybe some bodyguards.