Ode to Stalking

By Nicholas Herrick
This poem is lovingly dedicated to all the girls I've ever stalked on facebook. (namely, Jessie)

An astronomer’s night,
Though cold, and quite lonely,
Is to some, a delight!
Though, particularly for the homely.

These homely blokes,
who own telescopes,
stop acting so comely
when they get real lonely.

These strange types come out,
and go lurking about,
Peeking here, peering there,
of them, you must beware.

But please, don’t forget!
Who else occupies these nights,

Studious,
Tranquil,
Amiable,
Lionhearted,
Kind,
Empathic, and
Respectable
Stargazers are about,

often cursing your porch lights.

The difference, you see
Between a galaxy and a tree,
Is a slight angle
Some elevation
Just a few degrees.

So if you’re not careful,
And your gradient strays
You’ll find yourself peaking
On a far different display!

“Hey! Fetch my rifle!
It’s in that big locker.
Look! There’s the Tom!
We have ourselves a stalker!”

…

So if at night you’re lonely
Leave your trench coat on the hook,
Stay inside.
It’s warm in here,
And instead,
try facebook.

---------------

For the record, I have never actually stalked anyone... except for facebook stalking... which isn't really stalking because everybody does it.